To my little butterfly: thank you

Dear Mariposa,

Little butterfly, today you woke up with a smile on your face. Most days you great me with a gentle smile that fills every inch of me with joy. When I find out we were having a little girl, I knew I wanted the name Mariposa. It's gentle and lovely, much like you. I've only known you for eleven short weeks, but you have totally transformed my life for the better.



My pregnancy with you wasn't easy. I battled depression, anxiety, and fear. I worried that I wouldn't be able to love another child like I love your sister. I was scared that mothering two babies under the age of two would be too hard. I worried, I worried, and I worried some more. When you arrived all of those worries went away. While your arrival was a bit chaotic and scary, you were nothing of the sort.

Sweet Posie, you have been the peaceful balm that my weary heart needed.

I fought some hard postpartum depression after your birth. Thundercloud thoughts bounced around in my brain. Yet when I held you, I was able to see rays of sunlight through the storms. So I continued to hold you, even on the days I didn't feel like existing. You were my lifeline, my one reason for staying in the present.

Even know you continue to bring peace into our everyday lives. Already you sleep through the night, and seldom are fussy. When you do cry, I typically know the reason and can remedy it easily. You put up with your sister's attacks of love, even when she tries to sit on you or steals your pacifier.

Looking back, you knew the sound of my heartbeat more intimately than anyone else. You heard the beats and learned the language of my body. You heard my worries, my crippling anxiety; you heard the cries of my heart as I desperately tried to understand how to be a mother all over again. In a way, I feel like you still understand the language of my heartbeat and have brought me the peace I cried for throughout those nine long months.

I want you to know that while I cried over being a mother again, I never cried over your existence. You were wanted from the very beginning. Now that you are here, you remind me that love knows no bounds. My heart grew far beyond what I thought possible and I love you and your sister so much. I understand how it is possible to love two people equally, but in two completely different ways.

I want to thank you for coming into my life. You are a blessing to me. Thank you for teaching me how to be a better mother. Thank you for letting me fail and try again and again. You are lovely, little one. I am so glad you are here.

Love,
Your Mother