Dear Arlandria,
Today you are three months old! I'm not sure where the time has gone. I say that a lot these days. This month you have grown so much! No longer are you my little newborn. You have grown into a beautiful baby girl that coos and giggles. You can raise your neck and shoulders up for long periods of time, and you don't cry during tummy time.
We've nailed down a solid bedtime routine, complete with a bath, story, and cuddles. You are able to fall asleep on your own now, and talk yourself to sleep most nights. The cradle you are sleeping in is quickly growing too small for you, and I am not ready to move you into a bigger bed. I want you to stay small forever, or for at least a little bit longer.
When I sat down to write your three month letter to you, I couldn't figure out what I wanted to say. You are growing and changing so quickly. There seems to be a number of things I could write about. Lately there has been a bible verse that keeps coming to mind. It is only now that this verse truly makes sense. "But his mother treasured all these things in her heart." Luke 2:51. I've always heard this verse in conjunction with Jesus leaving his parents to sit with teachers in the temple. But now, as a mother, it takes on a whole new meaning.
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As a mother, Mary soaked up every moment and treasured them in her heart. Did she know how quickly her baby would grow? At the time, Mary searched worriedly for three days, looking for her missing son. When she found Jesus, she asked why he had caused them such worry.
Jesus respectfully replied, "Why were you searching for me? Didn’t you know I had to be in my Father’s house?”
It is only then that the bible mentions that Mary pondered on these things and treasured them in her heart. Mary understood that she couldn't stop Jesus from growing, from becoming the man he was destined to be. I may be taking liberties, but I feel like Mary finally realized that when you love your child, you give them the space and freedom to grow.
Little girl, I won't lie. This is hard for me, even now. I want to shelter you from all the world's hardships. I want to make decisions for you because I know better. But in all honesty, I don't know better. Each day I watch you grow, I tell myself that I must give you freedom.
Freedom is a tricky thing, because I can't let you go wild. But I can give you boundaries within that freedom. I can give you structure and stability, so when you do make decisions, you know you have the safety to fall back in loving arms.
I choose to let you have the space to grow into your personality, your gender, your spirituality, your sexuality, and your role as a woman in society. I will take you to every ballet practice, or hockey game. If you want to love girls, boys, or in-between, then I will love them too. Or if you choose to love no one at all, I will love you regardless. I will love you if your hair is long, or if you keep it short and blue. I will love you if you choose to follow Jesus, Buddha, or no one at all.
I will take these things and ponder on them. I will treasure them in my heart because if it's important to you, it will be important to me.
I love you little girl. Keeping growing into the person you are meant to be. I'll be here always, making sure you have a safe space to grow.
Love,
Your Mother
