This week you turned 2 months old! I cannot believe how quickly time has flown by. I keep saying that but it's true. You have grown so much from the tiny peanut that you were when you were born. This month I had the joy of staying home with you. It was an adventure, to say the least. We were left on our own most days while Daddy was at work. We had a routine, and we began to learn how to do life as mother and daughter.
There were many days that were a challenge. You struggled with tummy troubles and I am a brand new momma, trying to figure it all out. It was definitely a learning curve for the both of us. Yet we figured it out, you are able to eat without pain, and life is beginning to take shape and routine.
This month we celebrated your first Christmas and New Year's as a family. You endured your first bitter arctic cold and did NOT enjoy it at all. You spent time with both sets of grandparents, and your uncles Eli and Jaxon.
You grew chubby, filling out your tiny body as you learned to use your arms and legs with purpose. You still sometimes flail around like Kermit the Frog, but like everything else, you are still learning.
Can we talk for a second about how much you love your daddy? You seriously light up whenever he is around. Seeing the two of you love each other brings tears to my eyes. You like to watch him play video games, you listen to him sing to you, and at night before bed, you listen to him read you a bedtime story. I cannot wait to see your relationship with him grow and bloom. He loves you like crazy, little girl. Being a dad is something he's wanted for a very long time, and you fulfilled that dream for him. You are the reason he has a special joy that even I can't give him. You are loved, and so very special.
This month was also a month of firsts for me. I had to take you to get your shots, and I took you to your first day of daycare. These were both hard days for me, and I cried over it a lot. During your first month I was plagued with postpartum depression, and I doubted myself over and over. I occasionally regretted becoming a mother, especially during those sleepless nights where you would cry endlessly. But I learned that tough times tend to forge who you are, and I know without a doubt that I am your mother.
I knew I was your mother when I saw you wail while getting your shots. I wanted to take away your pain and take it upon myself so badly. I knew I was your mother when I left you at daycare the first time, crying on the phone to your dad because I wanted to protect you from all the germs and pain you might encounter.
But I know I can't protect you from everything, no matter how hard I try. You are going to fall and scrape your knee. You will fight with friends, you will cry over tummy aches, and you will get your heart broken. Yes, there will be a day where a person will come into your life and you will fall in love. It may not work out, or they may simply walk away without reason. Either way you will get your heart broken.
It is days like these where I want to be your North Star. I know you are going to go out and make mistakes--big, glorious, tremendous mistakes.You are going to make choices that cause you pain. As much as I wish I could take this burden on for you, I can't. What I can do is be your North Star. I can be the point you turn to when you are lost and things don't make sense. I realize that I can't fix all your problems, but I can be the one you turn to for guidance.
For day the world turns against you, I will be there with a battle plan and helmet. For times when your heart aches, I will be there with hot chocolate and even worse stories of my dating life. When you make mistakes that seem irreparable, I will be there with scotch tape. Little girl I may not always have the answers, but I promise I will always be your cheerleader.
I'm learning to accept that you will go through hard times. Like I said before, it is when times are tough that you are forged into who you truly are. You will be strong and brave, because that is what I am teaching you to be. I know you will be a beautiful person full of life and joy, because that is who you are already.
So here's to month two, to pain, to learning, and to the next handfuls of months full of life.
With all my love,
Your Mother
